Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So many bounce houses so little time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
