The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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