Your dad touched me again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
