and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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