I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
