Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
