Michael Bay diarrhea
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
