I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
worst night to have a conscience
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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