Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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