We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
