and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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