We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
