We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
