nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
