Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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