your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
