it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
