I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
