And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want to make a zoo with you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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