Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
