you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
