This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
