it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
