I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
