Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
