fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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