before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
