I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
