Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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