Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
