question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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