When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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