this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize