I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
