69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize