dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
