She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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