Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
