Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry about my life...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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