your parents love me but you hate me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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