All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
