I wish I could teleport
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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