I heard we made out
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
