well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
