It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
