3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
