So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am naked and annoyed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
