if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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