Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't turn off my feet"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
