I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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