do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
