and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
