you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
