Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
