8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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