You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
