1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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