That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
