he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
