I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
